Readme Wins Gold

Readme: 2.5 years of slur discourse with nothing to show for it • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • Most breakthroughs in modern geology found to just be someone finding a cool rock on their street • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • New StuCo 99­042 announced: "What they DON'T Teach You in CMU StuCos" • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • Woman with 17,000 tinder matches gets her accounted deleted, makes a grinder account instead • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • Feeding students Tartan Express tenders considered 'cruel and unusual' • What you need to know about the upcoming resting bitch face competition • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • English department to get $10 million to convince more people to drop out of English • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • Pope endorses climbing Hamerschlag as only "holy" contraception: "your gametes will be smote by the power of God • Carnival rides now include the Throngler, the Impaly­Stabber, and the Twist • First-year on r/cmu congratulated for having a "pretty fire schedule." • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • QUIZ: What your opinions on the scrotal asmmetry of statues says about you! • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • New Civil Engineering exam includes going inside condemned buildings and trying to make them collapse • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Readme: 2.5 years of slur discourse with nothing to show for it • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you. • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • Most breakthroughs in modern geology found to just be someone finding a cool rock on their street • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • New StuCo 99­042 announced: "What they DON'T Teach You in CMU StuCos". • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • Woman with 17,000 tinder matches gets her accounted deleted, makes a grinder account instead • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • Feeding students Tartan Express tenders considered 'cruel and unusual'. • What you need to know about the upcoming resting bitch face competition • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad. • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • English department to get $10 million to convince more people to drop out of English • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics. • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • Pope endorses climbing Hamerschlag as only "holy" contraception: "your gametes will be smote by the power of God. • Carnival rides now include the Throngler, the Impaly­Stabber, and the Twist. • First-year on r/cmu congratulated for having a "pretty fire schedule." • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent. • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • QUIZ: What your opinions on the scrotal asmmetry of statues says about you! • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • New Civil Engineering exam includes going inside condemned buildings and trying to make them collapse • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats