Readme Gets Absurd

Dealing with your CMU-bound teen: "Sorry about your MIT rejection" and other key phrases • SDC buggy design leaked on War Thunder forum • End of semester refelction: That O-week situationship was a really good idea • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • District Attorney unable to rule out murder as Buggy Alumni Association hit • Lube offered for Wean holes • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Elves join UAW Local 1701 • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • Construction of Roko's Basilisk Pegged to Begin 2026, Per OpenAI, Meta • Scotty dissection reveals eerily human skeleton inside • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Gelt still more real than crypto • This dumbass thinks he can repay all of our sin debt • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • New CaPS meeting locations include ledges, bridges, and intersections • My dad got both anthrax and smallpox shots, and they didn't even protect him from the IED • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • New Civil Engineering exam includes going inside condemned buildings and trying to make them collapse • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Carnegie Mellon attempts to renovate mousehole in less than two years • Supreme Court overturns Naughty List affirmative action • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Mudge Koi Fish never returned new sushi place set to open on Morewood Ave • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • REPORT: If Kamala really wanted my vote, she wouldn’t’ve made me late to class • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me? • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • All of Science wrong. Oops • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • "Surely the middle eastern conflict will not get worse" says increasingly nervous man for 100th time today • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video • Dealing with your CMU-bound teen: "Sorry about your MIT rejection" and other key phrases. • SDC buggy design leaked on War Thunder forum. • End of semester refelction: That O-week situationship was a really good idea. • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • District Attorney unable to rule out murder as Buggy Alumni Association hit. • Lube offered for Wean holes. • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Elves join UAW Local 1701. • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • Construction of Roko's Basilisk Pegged to Begin 2026, Per OpenAI, Meta. • Scotty dissection reveals eerily human skeleton inside. • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Gelt still more real than crypto. • This dumbass thinks he can repay all of our sin debt. • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • New CaPS meeting locations include ledges, bridges, and intersections • My dad got both anthrax and smallpox shots, and they didn't even protect him from the IED • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • New Civil Engineering exam includes going inside condemned buildings and trying to make them collapse • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Carnegie Mellon attempts to renovate mousehole in less than two years • Supreme Court overturns Naughty List affirmative action. • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Mudge Koi Fish never returned new sushi place set to open on Morewood Ave • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • REPORT: If Kamala really wanted my vote, she wouldn’t’ve made me late to class • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me? • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • All of Science wrong. Oops. • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • "Surely the middle eastern conflict will not get worse" says increasingly nervous man for 100th time today • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person. • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video.