3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • Zeno’s Paradox Reason Why Our Sports Teams Suck • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • Having a single thought about 15-122 now considered an AIV • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • Tripping out in Roberts Engineering Hall • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you • Pope endorses climbing Hamerschlag as only "holy" contraception: "your gametes will be smote by the power of God • Booth Chairs and School of Drama compete to see who can violate the most labor laws • This dumbass thinks he can repay all of our sin debt • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • Supreme Court overturns Naughty List affirmative action • Due to overenrollment, CMU to expel losing team of Carnegie Cup immediately • Dedicated Gender Studies student finds clitoris, loses track of penis • A day in the life of Jane Street's unsuccessful younger brother, Sesame • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • I met Santa Claus, she's black • Two women argue about twins, King Solomon demands both be cut in half • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • King Charles III to consider castling • Feeding students Tartan Express tenders considered 'cruel and unusual' • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • That freshman you met during the O-week floor meet-and-greet is not your future husband • Biology department recommends students engineer another pandemic for finals reprieve, extra credit offered • Physicists to start dropping large metal balls to see if gravity still exists • Statue of Liberty deported • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Noah complains that God's 'gone woke' after Ark flooded • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • Finding the best corner to stand in at a crowded party a guide • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • Zeno’s Paradox Reason Why Our Sports Teams Suck • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • Having a single thought about 15-122 now considered an AIV • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • Tripping out in Roberts Engineering Hall • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you. • Pope endorses climbing Hamerschlag as only "holy" contraception: "your gametes will be smote by the power of God. • Booth Chairs and School of Drama compete to see who can violate the most labor laws • This dumbass thinks he can repay all of our sin debt. • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • Supreme Court overturns Naughty List affirmative action. • Due to overenrollment, CMU to expel losing team of Carnegie Cup immediately • Dedicated Gender Studies student finds clitoris, loses track of penis • A day in the life of Jane Street's unsuccessful younger brother, Sesame. • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • I met Santa Claus, she's black. • Two women argue about twins, King Solomon demands both be cut in half. • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science. • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • King Charles III to consider castling • Feeding students Tartan Express tenders considered 'cruel and unusual'. • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • That freshman you met during the O-week floor meet-and-greet is not your future husband. • Biology department recommends students engineer another pandemic for finals reprieve, extra credit offered • Physicists to start dropping large metal balls to see if gravity still exists. • Statue of Liberty deported. • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Noah complains that God's 'gone woke' after Ark flooded. • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • Finding the best corner to stand in at a crowded party a guide. • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker
![A quote attributed to Eric Adams in which he prophesizes his own mayorship on January 1st, 2022: "Thirty-something years ago, I woke up out of my sleep in a cold sweat. God spoke to my heart and said, 'you are going to be the mayor January 1, 2022.' And the message was clear. God stated, 'you cannot be silent, you must tell everyone you know.' I would go around the city, pastor, and I would tell everybody 'I'm gonna be mayor January 1, 2022.' People used to think I was on medication." [I checked, this is a genuine Eric Adams quote - rtosh]](/media/vol2/issue4/images/ericAdams_L25dkML.png)
MIDWAY, Pittsburgh — in a chaotic scene, officials from the Pittsburgh Department of Health, Safety, and Tiny Wooden Houses have taken control of Midway following Farnham Jahanian’s decision to shut down Midway. The controversial decision was made following reports of numerous OSHA violations violated during Booth construction. The Spring Carnival …
Well it was worth a shot. Welcome to hell, Nerds!