The War on South Craig Street
“I always say, as you know, that if my fellow citizens want to go to Hell I will help them. It's my job.” Oliver Wendell Holmes.
By the summer of 2026, Avirat Kohli had had enough. Two great armies were converging on his Indian grocery, and what would …
Readme's Readme
# README
World-renowned satire magazine at Carnegie Mellon University, published every two weeks, unless we’re feeling particularly funny in which case we skip an issue. Originally a way for founder Gerald Readme to evangelize their hardline Pittsburgh separatist beliefs, it has since turned into a way for students to …
In 1967, an offshore platform in the North Sea was seized by a pirate radio operator. This would become the Principality of Sealand, an unrecognized micronation. Recently, CMU's administration was struck with inspiration, and decided to secede from the United States, to form its own micronation.
A question stumping experts around the globe has finally been solved: why does Carnegie Mellon have an English department? For decades people have wondered who would possibly attend CMU just to get a degree in Creative Writing when everyone knows literary analysis is for losers. README has recently conducted a …![A quote attributed to Eric Adams in which he prophesizes his own mayorship on January 1st, 2022: "Thirty-something years ago, I woke up out of my sleep in a cold sweat. God spoke to my heart and said, 'you are going to be the mayor January 1, 2022.' And the message was clear. God stated, 'you cannot be silent, you must tell everyone you know.' I would go around the city, pastor, and I would tell everybody 'I'm gonna be mayor January 1, 2022.' People used to think I was on medication." [I checked, this is a genuine Eric Adams quote - rtosh]](/media/vol2/issue4/images/ericAdams_L25dkML.png)
![[TODO]](/media/vol3/issue1/images/whitethings_KGhU1PS.png)
