Readme Wins Gold

Scandal as Kermit found in saucy Peppa pics, Ms Piggy exclusive interview! • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent • Due to overenrollment, CMU to begin holding classes in the steam tunnels • MAHA movement vows to move Stack'd off-campus to lower student obesity • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises • “It’s actually a metaphor for being reeeaaalllly hungry.” ­ author, on cannibalism • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • "Surely this one will work," says student on sixth cup of coffee • Due to overenrollment, CMU to add 4 AM exam slots • President Farnam spotted frequenting Carnival Parties • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona' • "Wean Eight-­Floor Dash in event of broken elevators" to become Olympic sport • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • CMU students take Pitt finals: “It’s nice to be good at something” • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • Actual fire in Morewood; No one leaves this time • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • Martha Stewart cleared of all murder charger between 1995­-96 • Gelt still more real than crypto • Stupid fucking egg sits on wall, rolls off like a little dumbass bitch • Sweepstakes Chair bans buggy-­driving amputees, claiming they have competitive advantage • Creator of Bradford pear tree amongst first to be killed on invention of time travel • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • CMU Hollywood theme goes straight to streaming • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Shocking new scandal breaks as leaked report reveals Tim Walz saved puppy from drowning • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Student trains for Olympic speedwalking by signing up for class in Mellon Institute • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • Academic Office allows you to superscore GPA and BAC during Carnival only • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM" • Scandal as Kermit found in saucy Peppa pics, Ms Piggy exclusive interview! • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent. • Due to overenrollment, CMU to begin holding classes in the steam tunnels • MAHA movement vows to move Stack'd off-campus to lower student obesity • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises. • “It’s actually a metaphor for being reeeaaalllly hungry.” ­ author, on cannibalism • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • "Surely this one will work," says student on sixth cup of coffee. • Due to overenrollment, CMU to add 4 AM exam slots • President Farnam spotted frequenting Carnival Parties • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad. • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona'. • "Wean Eight-­Floor Dash in event of broken elevators" to become Olympic sport. • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • CMU students take Pitt finals: “It’s nice to be good at something”. • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • Actual fire in Morewood; No one leaves this time. • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • Martha Stewart cleared of all murder charger between 1995­-96. • Gelt still more real than crypto. • Stupid fucking egg sits on wall, rolls off like a little dumbass bitch • Sweepstakes Chair bans buggy-­driving amputees, claiming they have competitive advantage • Creator of Bradford pear tree amongst first to be killed on invention of time travel. • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • CMU Hollywood theme goes straight to streaming • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Shocking new scandal breaks as leaked report reveals Tim Walz saved puppy from drowning • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Student trains for Olympic speedwalking by signing up for class in Mellon Institute • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • Academic Office allows you to superscore GPA and BAC during Carnival only • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM".