Readme Wins Gold

Student Government shutdown looms as Senate fails to ratify budget • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM" • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • Victim Escapes Samsara • CMU students take pictures of Hunt library light pollution after mistaking it for Aurora Borealis • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is) • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Tartan slanders innocent billionaire, more at 11 • What to do after your mirror rejects your advances • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • In devastating blow to CMU culture, freshmen are allowed to talk to upperclassmen • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Rabbi hot?! • You could be sledding right now, but you're not • Programmer forgets to specify; throws a birthday ksh • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • End of semester reflection: That O-week situationship was a really good idea • Tartan branded adderall popular among seniors trying to graduate on time • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises • "Surely this one will work," says student on sixth cup of coffee • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • How I stopped worrying and learned to love the dorm shower mold • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • CMU sends too many acceptance letters, Class of 2029 cancelled • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor­-in­-Chief • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives • News organizations come to unanimous conclusion: Victim and murderer equally at fault • The Pitt season 2 production leaves 3 injured, 1 dead • Student Senate elections held, "who?" found to be most common response • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • I met Santa Claus, she's black • "See, I told you. I told you so," crows CS professor who refused to use Canvas • Student Government shutdown looms as Senate fails to ratify budget • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM". • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • Victim Escapes Samsara. • CMU students take pictures of Hunt library light pollution after mistaking it for Aurora Borealis • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is). • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Tartan slanders innocent billionaire, more at 11. • What to do after your mirror rejects your advances. • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • In devastating blow to CMU culture, freshmen are allowed to talk to upperclassmen • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Rabbi hot?! • You could be sledding right now, but you're not. • Programmer forgets to specify; throws a birthday ksh. • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • End of semester reflection: That O-week situationship was a really good idea. • Tartan branded adderall popular among seniors trying to graduate on time • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises. • "Surely this one will work," says student on sixth cup of coffee. • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • How I stopped worrying and learned to love the dorm shower mold. • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • CMU sends too many acceptance letters, Class of 2029 cancelled • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor­-in­-Chief • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives. • News organizations come to unanimous conclusion: Victim and murderer equally at fault. • The Pitt season 2 production leaves 3 injured, 1 dead. • Student Senate elections held, "who?" found to be most common response • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • I met Santa Claus, she's black. • "See, I told you. I told you so," crows CS professor who refused to use Canvas.